May 2017

MAY 2017     Contents:       

4 MURDEROUS MAY BOOKS

LOVE AND BELONGING, Part One

COOL PLACES

COOL FOOD

Louise Penny:  A Rule Against Murder. 

What happened here last night isn’t allowed,” said Madame Dubois.  It was such an extraordinary thing to say it stopped the ravenous Inspector Beauvoir from taking another bite of his roast beef on baguette. “You have a rule against murder?” he asked.  “I do. When my husband and I bought the Bellechasse we made a pact….Everything that stepped foot on this land would be safe.”  It is the height of summer, and Armand and Reine-Marie Gamache are celebrating their wedding anniversary at Manoir Bellechasse, an isolated, luxurious inn.  But they’re not alone. The Finney family has also arrived for a celebration of their own.  The beautiful Manoir Bellechasse is surrounded by nature, but there is something unnatural looming. As the heat rises and the humidity closes in, the family reunion becomes hostile, and a terrible summer storm leaves behind a dead body.

Paula Hawkins:  Into the Water.

With the same propulsive writing and acute understanding of human instincts that captivated millions of readers around the world in her explosive debut thriller, The Girl on the Train, Paula Hawkins delivers an urgent, twisting, deeply satisfying read that hinges on the deceptiveness of emotion and memory, as well as the devastating ways that the past can reach a long arm into the present.  Beware a calm surface—you never know what lies beneath.

Cat Marnell:  How to Murder Your Life. 

At 26 Cat Marnell was an associate beauty editor at Lucky Magazine hid a secret life. She was a prescription drug addict, a “doctor shopper” who manipulated Upper East Side psychiatrists; a lonely bulimic; a promiscuous party girl; a weepy and hallucination-prone insomniac.  This tale begins at a posh New England prep school—and with a prescription for Attention Deficit Disorder medication Ritalin. It continues to New York, where we follow Marnell’s rise from intern to editor through the beauty departments of numerous magazines and her fight between ambition and addiction  inevitably threatens everything she worked so hard to achieve.

Christopher Fowler:  Bryant & May & The Burning Man.

No case is too curious for Arthur Bryant and John May, London’s most ingenious detectives.  In the week before Guy Fawkes Night, London’s peaceful streets break out in sudden unrest. Enraged by a scandal involving a corrupt financier, demonstrators are rioting outside the Findersbury Private Bank, chanting, marching, and growing violent. But when someone hurls a Molotov cocktail at the bank’s front door, killing a homeless man on its steps, Bryant, May, and the rest of the Peculiar Crimes Unit is called in. Is this an act of protest gone terribly wrong? Or a devious, premeditated murder?

ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIPS:  LOVE AND BELONGING   

by Rosanne T. Morse, MS/MFT

PART ONE:  In Part One of this article I focus on the first two natural  experience of love and belonging we have.  These two experiences set the stage for our adult need for belonging, to love and be loved.

As human beings, we have five very orderly, logical, overall needs.  According to Abraham Maslow* these needs are the motivation necessary to actually live our lives.

First of course, we need to survive.  We do this by meeting our physiological needs of nutrition and reproduction.  Second, once we are nourished and remain healthy enough to bear offspring, we need to be safe and secure from whatever threatens us such as the elements or predators. Third on the list is love and belonging.  Fourth is self-esteem required to value ourselves and feel valued by others. The fifth, and final, need is self-actualization.

The third need, Belonging, is the strong and inevitable human emotional need to be an accepted member of a group.  This is a universal need and is found across all cultures and types of people.  It is essentially HUMAN to want to belong.  We are not alike, but we all require a minimum quantity of regular, satisfying social interactions.  When we belong to something greater than ourselves it helps us to identify who we are.  We observe, communicate, and relate to others and then form our own image of ourselves based on what we like or dislike about others.  Without community, we most likely will experience loneliness, mental distress, and difficulty in defining ourselves.  The result is often that we continuously seek new relationships to satisfy this need.  According to Maslow, if the first two experiences of community are unsuccessful, then an individual cannot completely love someone else.

1.  OUR FIRST MOST IMPORTANT COMMUNITY – OUR BIOLOGICAL FAMILY

We have no choice or control over who they are, where they live, the color of their skin, their eyes, their wealth or health.  We don’t have a say in our inherited genes, their values or beliefs.  We just arrive, wanted or unwanted.  What happens when we, through no fault of our own, are unable to attach to our biological family?  What can we do about it? 

Attachment is the tie of affection between two people. It begins with the bond between the infant and mother and affects how the child will form all other relationships.  During the prenatal period and for the first three years of life, this bonding and attachment is of critical importance.  If there is no bond or it becomes broken, the child will have difficulty forming lasting relationships. He may not develop an attachment to the rest of mankind and may not have a stake in humanity.  He often shows nearly a complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others, fails to develop a conscience, and does not learn to trust. He does not allow people to be in control due to this trust issue.

This damage is caused by being abused or physically or emotionally separated from one primary caregiver.  At the child’s core is a deep-seated rage, far beyond normal anger. This rage is suppressed and incomprehensible pain is locked in their souls, because of the abandonment they felt as infants. The role of primary caretaker is essential to the healthy development of all humans.

In a healthy family, generally one parent, usually the mother, remains closely attached to the child in the early years.  The child needs consistency and sameness of experience to build a healthy attachment to those around him.  Every effort must be made for a young child to remain in the consistent care of a least one primary caretaker.  If the mother is not available through death or other reason, then the father or other relative must fill that role.  In the event a child is abandoned or removed from the biological family, every effort should be made to place the child with a long term loving caretaker.  At a minimum, the child should be in the care of a single long term agency and child care center.

Early intervention appears to improve outcomes. The goals of treatment are to help ensure that the child:  Has a safe and stable living situation and develops positive interactions with parents and caregivers.  Treatment strategies include:  encouraging development by being nurturing, responsive and caring, providing consistent caregivers to encourage a stable attachment for the child; providing a positive, stimulating and interactive environment for the child; addressing the child’s medical, safety and housing needs, as appropriate.  Other services that may benefit the child and the family include: individual and family psychological counseling, education of parents and caregivers about the condition, and parenting skills classes.

A long-term consequence of children who are not nurtured in a safe and stable living situation is they have a compromised ability to develop long term trusting relationships, labeled Reactive Attachment Disorder.

2.  OUR SECOND COMMUNITY – OUR FRIENDS

Our friends sometimes are our choice and sometimes not.  Beginning in the family we inherit friends from our siblings or from other family members.  Because of familiarity and closeness these become our first friends.  Next, we go to school and are exposed to a more diverse group of potential friends.  Again, we see these kids every day so we must become good at making friends.  A helpful parent can begin to teach their children various ways to start a friendship.  Suggest that you smile most of the time and to be aware of the boundaries of the other children.  Talk about how to join a group – don’t barge in, ask if you can join them.  Sit on the sidelines and observe the activity and let natural enthusiasm show. The course of the friendship should develop naturally as each of the children have different friendship skills.  It is desirable to encourage the child to form small groups of friends for different purposes.  Some friends like sports, some like school work, some like groups and some like quiet side-by-side activities.  Encourage your child to participate in each type of friendship group to gain experience.   Even within this group we begin to sort out those who we can trust and care for and those we choose to distance from.  It is a relatively safe way for us to learn who, when and how to select friends who are good for us.

* Abraham Harold Maslow (1908 – 1970) was an American psychologist best known for his theory of psychological health predicated on fulfilling innate human needs in priority order.  Maslow was a psychology professor at Alliant International University, Brandeis University, Brooklyn College, New School for social Research and Columbia University.  Maslow stressed the importance of focusing on the positive qualities in people, as opposed to treating them as a “bag of symptoms”.

PART TWO Continued in the JUNE 2017 NEWSLETTER

 COOL PLACES. Proof Brewery in Railroad Square, Tallahassee.

A place for family, friends and sometimes even the little kids!  Founded in 2007, Proof Brewing Co. is dedicated to brewing flavorful & unique styles of beer with a focus on quality and creativity. Proof Brewing Co. production brewery added a state of the art 20 barrel brewhouse, fully automated canning line, refined tasting room & outdoor beer garden in 2014. At this location we keg for distribution and canning our core beers and bottling limited releases. The tasting room features the full line of PBC brews, rotating guest taps and the entire brewery operation is visible from the bar & seating areas. Guests can also relax on our covered beer garden patio area where you can enjoy live music, bocce ball, table tennis, and other entertaining outdoor activities.  http://www.proofbrewingco.com/welcome

COOL FOOD.  Denny’s Restaurant  – – – –    Almost anywhere USA.

Believe it or not, the most delicious new meal I’ve experienced recently I had at Denny’s.  Roasted seasoned chicken with caramelized onions, sautéed mushrooms and broccoli served atop whole grain rice. Topped with Italian cheeses and Gouda cheese sauce. https://www.dennys.com/food/dinner-entrees/smoky-gouda-chicken-broccoli-skillet/

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